Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Numbed = Dead

Just when I thought I was already inured to the pain, yeah, being all a veteran of goodbyes and then some, it hit me. The realization more than anything else is what jarred this being. All the sweetness was there, one cannot ask enough of that, but now it left a big hole like a sugar stuck in a pan, turned black & burnt really painfully. Pity the heart that has gotten used to much sweetness for there would sure be plenty to miss. Again, after many years of a sweet, exhilarating, sometimes anxiety-filled but very beautiful moments, the heart's subject is once more on the sandy path in the middle of nowhere. To toil somewhere far away to ward off hardships of the past months. When he has no choice but to leave lest all sanities turn into human frailties. Sad parting it was, bade our farewells, the numerous I love you's mouthed off in person, while in tight embrace, during the kiss and after, and over the phone hours before that big air bus took off.. Thought I'm beyond all that pain but now it left me with the kind of depression reserved only for when someone close to you really died and went into the spiritual realm. And now, this spirit must be forced to keep moving even if all it intends to do for the next couple of days, probably weeks, even months, is to just stay inert. Sadly, being alive doesn't numb us from the frustrations and loneliness. Not even music can desensitize the soul or let the heart not feel the pinch of worlds being torn apart by situation and circumstances. Where the only thing we can rely on are the beating of our hearts, to make sure it would remain in synch throughout time, space and distance.

I Know It's Not Easy

Having me in your life is like a constant rush of adrenaline and a dash of placebo at the same time- - boosting one moment and stabilizing the next. I know, it’s not easy being me nor is it any easier being you while constantly falling for me. Years would remain witness to all our trepidations, the pitfalls we try so hard to get ourselves into..both taking risks. I know it’s not easy. Falling in love w/me for one thing is quite an insurmountable task. With my silly insecurities now and then, the slight immaturity and grating childishness, the tendency to keep asking questions. I know it’s not easy. But I know too that without me you’d miss those sweet tender affirmations of affection, the twinkle in my eyes and the heart that returns the smile from your own, those SMS in the morning laced in saccharine brilliance. Yes I know too the smile, the nod of appreciation you’ve shown at those moments that once passed will never return. and together we bask in all those things and more..even if yes, we know it’s not easy..