The good and bad of Choking

yes, apparently there is a choking that's good and refreshes.. it's when you choke up at a sight of someone stirring up emotions deep within, making your eyes well with tears.. choking while listening to a song that touches some pretty raw edges of your heart. that kind of choke is freeing, like washing down pent-up feelings.

Then the bad kind of choke-- like when you choke on your words because the intention isn't so good and all you can blurt out are expletives and the like, choking while chewing on your food,or choking under pressure. Those are the worst.

Choking when you need to reveal something or really demand an important favor from someone is also a bad option. It's like putting a gag order on your mouth & you're left with nothing.

And next thing you know, the 'choke's on you'.

Staying

There simply is no reason or effort to stop,
always..
Even when there is a brief lull or
what we can perhaps term as a layover, somehow
it just stays..

In our thoughts, our hearts; emotions spoken
amidst distance, time and situation.

Setting aside one moment, yes
but getting back together in the moment,
just routinely picking up where we
left of.

Not necessarily asking for more.
Already had enough of that way back in the past.
But just merely staying in this ride.
Is it for a lifetime? Who knows?
But whatever it is, we're just letting it stay for
at least forever and a day.

A ‘THOSE’ OF Happiness

Those simple moments, small, seemingly mundane happening and little guilty pleasures are what actually make the most impact in our lives. These are the things that one could not live without and if one doesn’t have these in one’s life, it’s bound to be one boring, lonely existence.

These are the intangibles, some fleeting moments, a mere second even when everything seems suspended in one cornucopia of thrilling, happy emotions. The kind of moment when one doesn’t need any intoxication as being caught in it is already imbibing into something inexplicable yet giving that certain kind of high like no other.

The same kind of high one feels during these moments:

- Catching a glimpse of the beloved. Exchanging quiet glances, when a mere twitch of the eyebrows says everything.
- Getting together with close friends on an unplanned weekend romp, laughing the night away
- Hearing an old love song or a summer beat from the past evoking pure, unadulterated memories of a not so distant rendezvous
- A whiff of perfume that becomes a reminder of good things – possibly Yuletide, a love affair, and others.
- A relaxing, unhurried trek to a fantastic place out of town
- A food prepared by a loved one in the exact way as the first time you tasted it - a gesture that has become some sort of unspoken love ritual minus the bed sheets
- Secrets between two hearts easily shared by a nod and a smile with the twinkle of the eyes.
- Stifling on a giggle over a private family or friend joke
- Covering up a minor faux pas by someone when the mere discovery of it can result in needless agitations. Relieving someone of that burden of having to explain the error is priceless.
- Buzzer-beating shots of a favorite team
- A stranger’s kindness
- Eating that delectable sinful cake or chocolate or taking another sip of that alcohol mix despite suffering from allergies just because the taste is just too good to pass up.
- That silly banter on a daily morning radio show giving us that much-needed comic relief to set the tone for the day.
- A funny sign you pass by that makes you amidst the heavy traffic and smog


And other simple, not necessarily earth-changing events that assure us that life is one beautiful journey after all. Despite our challenges, those unexpected moments are what give us the greatest pleasures and also make up for the most lasting memories – to inspire us over and over knowing that there are some things still worth looking forward to. Yes, THOSE…

The case for too much planning and Unpreparedness

What happened last week can also be a comparative analysis of one sector's lack of preparation and the other sector's over planning of things. For purpose of objectivity and sticking to the subject on being ready at all times or to pursue life unplanned, I would not mention anything about nationalities but will refer to the people as either police/government 'authorities' and 'tourists'.

That hostage crisis incident opened our eyes to several things. Foremost of which is the violence one can inflict on another human being. I don't want to go on all the gory details that were already written on countless newspapers, news reports and blogs but simply put, such violence should not have been part of our psyche. It is a sad fact that we have to contend with in our lifetime though.

Which now brings me to my point. I divide those people who were the principal characters of this incident into two categories (THE UNPREPARED & PLANNERS FOR NOTHING). First - the authorities (government and police). They are the people who lacked planning. The way the whole rescue operation was botched right from the get go shows poor execution that is only a result of poor planning or simply no planning at all. Using mallets to break the fiber glass windows of that bus instead of a device or explosive meant for such an occasion only underscores this. There are other blunders committed that sadly would not have been so if only the authorities planned or at least employed some brilliant strategies right during the early hours of the hostage-taking.

And then the second characters - those ill-fated tourists. Now I may say that most of them who died may have been victims of too much planning. It is just tragic that whatever plans they have set out to do can no longer be fulfilled because their lives were taken in a blink of an eye. And that is what I meant about too much planning. That even if we set out preparing for everything, at the end of the day, we never really know what happens next. Some deranged, disgruntled cop may instantly put an end to our lives or a truck driver cutting our dreams short by one reckless and careless turn of the wheel. We never can tell. Which gets me thinking if it really is wise to plan too much on things. Especially when you travel. I prefer to go on the outskirts of the town or country I'm visiting rather than ride on some cramped tourist bus. The idea is to soak in the atmosphere, the culture of the country I'm visiting as fast as I can. I always hate traveling on tours where your time or itinerary is pretty much preplanned for you by others leaving you no time to actually explore the foreign land or get to know the locals on a more personal level. No offense to those who work on the tour industry but I must say, guided tours are mostly boring and restricts the movements of tourists instead of allowing them to actually enjoy the country they are visiting.

Now back to that point of over-planning, yes, some of those who perished in that tragic incident may have lived a life with no regrets. Sure, they get to travel to their chosen destination or perhaps they might have enjoyed their brief stay after all. But what about the plans they made beforehand? Those plans now went for naught because of their short-lived existence. So the case is where one sector should have really thought things over and prepared really well (the authorities), the other should have just enjoyed life while they can. You can only plan and prepare so much.

CLOUDS

clouds - looking fluffy, almost cute at times.
but when it darkens, oh, how the heart must weaken..
not knowing where to turn when it suddenly decides
to burst forth and pour torrents of rain.
scattering, unrelenting...what once appear harmless,
would sadly turn careless.
when it seems each curl supposedly taking you close to heaven
is after all making your life such a burden.
CLOUDS.. cuddly one moment, deadly the next..

HEART VS MIND (and how they worked out a temporary truce)

HEART: Why do you hate me so much?

MIND: I don't hate you. I just think you're so hard-headed and just want to give you a piece of my mind. I don't feel any hatred at all.

HEART: I think you're just jealous coz I have a lot of feelings. I don't do brain-Freeze and I'm not numb.

MIND: Oh, yes you may not be numb but you are also plain DUMB. And duh? You don't even think. If you have half a brain as I do, you wouldn't even go around brandishing those so-called 'feelings'. I mean what are those anyway but just your own delusions.

HEART: That's not true. What is real is that warm emotion that passes each time you see the smile on your beloved, or the passion that goes with the twinkle of his eyes. And the smell of forever in his kiss..

MIND: Ah! You're so hopeless! I've done everything I can to make you realize your follies but guess I'd just have to give up. And even if I'm contemplating whether to shove you down to the level just underneath the lungs and the intestines and share equal footing with where gas must pass (read: ass) or to squeeze you tighter via my mind over matter power so that you will bleed to death, I won't do so however tempting that is.

I just realizeD that without my help you often break yourself into pieces anyway.

(and with that, the mind left the heart beating through the sound of it's own music).

It Must Have Been Love? (Oh, puhhleeze!)

Okay, I know that is one of my favorite songs in the early 90's and somehow became my LSS for a few days since the pronouncements of the Philippines' so-called "Queen of all media' when summing up her marriage to a basketball hero and the imminent end of it. But I can't actually agree with her on the use of that song.

I don't think that's love when you try to analyze the whole thing. Maybe a little more of 'lust'. I don't hate that lady (happen to admire her a lot, actually because of her guts and for making things happen in her life, the success and all that jazz) but summing up their relationship through that song might be a bit off. Or maybe it's true that she may have deluded herself for some years that it was love to the point that she actually thought until this very moment that she was in love then. But being in love with someone in the whole sense of the word does not equate trying to throw mud at him in the public's eye. However much that person hurt you, if it's a beautiful kind of love that you shared you simply keep mum when it's over. In pained silence. And it would be doubly painful to paint the guy in a bad light especially after that same guy is showing the world that he is after all willing to work things out and apologize.

So I can probably say with conviction that it must not have been love but some other thing. Some other emotion that these two people shared. Probably coming close to it but not necessarily the kind of LOVE as we know it. For love does not end, it's not like a bottle of wine or a glass of milk that once consumed will suddenly run empty. One does not grow tired of loving. If you get tired of it then that is not love to begin with.

I should know. And if it's love you never mention the word OVER. For even if the object of your affection turns his back on you and when hurtful words are spoken, and you need to get off each others' throats for a few days, or months, years even, that will remain in your heart. It never goes away, like cancer that has no cure. And it will never cross your mind to tell people, much less the whole world, that the person you love is a jerk. You can admit that to yourself but not to anyone. So, yes, Kris Aquino, I believe that may not have been love. Not TRUE love anyway but some sub-form of it I guess.

No Explanations Needed

It simply means not being answerable to anyone but to yourself and only to your God.

I am responsible for my thoughts, my actions and feelings. Whenever I feel happy or in a state of bliss, that is mine alone. No one can even imagine what sensations, what music the heart hears. Similarly, when the agitations start and pain becomes unbearable to the point of giving up, no one can feel it as deeply as I do let alone pretend to understand what that is. Feelings don't require understanding, it is just 'felt'.

My pain just like my happiness belongs only to me and to no one else. Everyone has their own set of emotions, distinct and separate from each other. While we can only empathize or sympathize with one another, at the end of the day we do not know exactly what one feels. There is only a certain point that you can allow anyone to get near to what you are experiencing at the moment but no way can anyone breach that line. Even if you say 'oh I'm so happy!' or 'hey, I feel so low' that is just a mild description of what is really going on inside. No on really has an idea how your happiness or your heartache feels. That is simply your own and you don't owe anyone an explanation..

My July Verse

Haven't written poetry in a while. Not even those short verses or what one can call my version of the haiku. Still, this heart and mind wouldn't let me rest and I just have to come up with this, even if it doesn't make much sense to others, my emotions can pretty much discern what it means:

Close to calling it all off,Seemingly nonchalant,
one moment totally unaffected, then the heart on alert the next instant.
It doesn't come as near as the magic of yore,
couldn't even be defined as a thumping force anymore
but this we could not deny, things always would come up just as before
to make us realize that's really what we are here for.

The Tootsie Roll Days

Each time there's a heavy downpour outside and dark clouds above, I am sometimes almost brought back to those long gone days when I was a child. When my mom was still around.How i loved the rainy days and cherished some of the typhoons then. Sure, there were super typhoons in the past but none of the kinds we had to deal with the past couple of years. Or maybe I was just too naive then, so innocent and unmindful of what's going on around us. We were all safely cocooned inside our own shells and seemingly content so whatever damage those past typhoons may have done were lost on me. Didn't even came to my attention. I believe that is the feeling that i am hoping to recapture in trying to reminisce about those past moments - the contentment, the simplicity of things minus the clutter and information overload and the disturbing facts of life. One can say I almost lived a sheltered life as a youngster, self-absorbed in my own little world.

What I love then each time Signal No. 2 or 3 was raised apart from the suspension of classes & more playtime is that our mom gets to stay at home. For she too was a hardworking woman, responsible for bringing food to our table so it was such a
rare treat to have her around in the morning throughout lunch and dinner cooking our comfort foods and just bantering w/the kids during those wet, cold and windy times. Back then, all I felt was pure warmth and love.

Another childhood memory I wouldn't mind playing repeatedly in my head are those days when my father would come home for lunch on work days bringing with him some of that good old choco candy 'Flat Tops' for us kids. Flat Tops seemed tastier & richer compared to what's now being sold on the market. Probably Ricoa did some cost-cutting, scrimping on a few ingredients here and there.

Or it can also mean that my taste buds were more sensitive then, apparently not yet numbed by too much caffeine, alcohol, spicy foods or whatever.

There were also some of those treats from yesteryears that I don't see much of these days. I wonder if they still exist to this day. Does any one of you remember Tootsie Rolls? Those chewy chocolate candies that come in small, medium, large sizes. We used to buy lots of them at our neighborhood sari-sari stores taking small, slow kiddie bites.

And the Magnolia Chocolait in a bottle. Somehow it never tasted the same again after they replaced the containers with either the plastic bottle or tetrapak kind.

Even Chippy and Clover chips tasted differently today than they used to when we were younger. But i don't believe that taste is in the tongue of the eater. I know for a fact that some of these food manufacturers are now using different ingredients to go w/ the latest technology. And that's why their long gone tastes will now only be in our memories, much like the moments that cannot be re-enacted the same way inasmuch as we are now living and dealing w/ different people and a totally different environment - no more Mama and Papa, and the storms and typhoons more violent than ever..

Still it's nice to look back on those things that can bring a smile to our faces. Those warm recollections that could help us move forward toward a better future. And reminding us that good things do exist and can be felt throughout space and time.

The Lure of the Vampire

And in this modern day and age, one would think that we have outgrown the mesmerizing stare of the vampire. Yes, I understand the fascination about this immortal creature, at once sexy and menacing - oh, what a lot of girls (and ladies) would like in their men. A mixture of the wild with the mysterious & the strength unmatched by creatures of lesser form.

I know why movies like Twilight, and its sequels and tv shows like Vampire Diaries were such big hits - it's just the lure of the vampire!

Something about vampires we just couldn't resist. That sudden rush, the bliss of an impending bite into one's neck.. somehow we could not help ourselves but embrace the moment knowing that we are either doomed or may suffer immortality. And the fun part about it is we just don't care even if we die from the sharp fangs (when even the glint of that fang can send shivers of delight and horror at one instant). Isn't that the kind of rush one feels when one is deeply in love or enamored with someone?

I know it would be a frightening ordeal to live as an immortal but once the vampire had you in his grip, and breathing down your neck - you just want him to forge ahead afraid that any hesitation on his part may lead you to change your mind or push him away. Not that any push or shove from a mere human like you can put him off but then you just get drawn by that embrace even if it means you will have to live your life forever, even if that is one boring existence, with friends dying on you. that would be a lonely life indeed and one you must share with an equal immortal like Ex-president GMA. Yes, I get the feeling she is an immortal - the lady that just won't fade into the night.

Back to the vampires. It is safe to say that somehow, despite these threats, we are and will always be attracted to the vampire.. that dark, sinister eyes.. which somehow pretty much sums up the kind of relationship I have with my own dark knight.. who is not wearing an armor by the way..

L Torio's Theory (on love & life)

My friends and I sometimes find ourselves discussing some random things about life, love and relationships during one of those nights outs.

And there are certain points which I raised with them, just a few of my random theories that I am now posting here to let a few people in on our conversations.

Theory #1: We cannot expect our man or woman to love as we do. -I am a firm believer of not expecting the same amount or degree of love and affection from others as you would from yourself. I mean we are all different beings. We think differently, have separate priorities, with distinct backgrounds and temperaments. It's just not the same for the simple reason that we are not the same.

Theory #2: On certain occasions, our affection wanes and waxes. - There will be instances in the relationship when our lovers are more affectionate toward us while on the next day, it would be our turn to be more caring. Sometimes, how we relate to our lovers/beloved depends on our moods and with what's going on in our lives and minds at that time. But that doesn't mean we love each other any less. And yes, this also explains why there are some moments when I would prefer spending time with friends more than I would with him though I would pretend I am already sleeping at home in case he calls.

Theory#3: Others can only love at a certain level or Some have Limited Capacity for love than most. - When a usually aloof and rather distant lover would suddenly turn more affectionate on one given moment and does some unexpected gesture, we often fail to notice it. Most of the time we fail to realize that the lover is actually already making a super human effort to connect and make the relationship better especially when that person is not hard-wired for romance growing up with the mindset that emotions are only up to a limited level. It is easy for someone who is normally affectionate, romantic and expressive to overlook the fact that someone is after all making a grand enough move to show how much he cares. All because of our wayward idea that lovers in a relationship are supposed to act a certain way, to be romantic, etc. Whereas 'supposed to' become the operative words here.

There must be a way to help us distinguish when our man/woman is raising the bar on their role in the relationship and giving in to their more romantic side. I mean that has to be encouraged by not allowing ourselves to trivialize the gesture. At least show how much we appreciate them and learn to bite our tongues when we feel like criticizing. This is especially true for some ladies when a man gives her a gift that is way off her idea of a truly romantic gift. A lot of men suck at gift-giving anyway so we should not be too hard on them. Women most especially need to get that radar on when their men are doing something out of the 'ordinary' and not continue on bashing them just because they don't happen to fit into the suave, romantic leading man stereotype that she craves. What this theory boils down to is that some people can only reach up to a certain level of loving whereas some of the lucky ones can experience and feel love at a totally higher level and even in higher dosages.

While my friends and I do not often agree on some of these theories I mentioned, somehow it made our get-together a bit interesting and I haven't even started to include our conversations involving (gasp!) orgasms, the capacity for people to actually love more than one person at a time, the case for and against marriage, etc. but that would be part of future posts.

Until then, my theories remain theories..

OMG

this phrase running around my head lately (partly helped by Usher and the song I've been LSS'ing with the past days). At once it is an expression of my amusement and happiness combined with that feeling of exasperation or someone who may just be a bit overwhelmed by a lot of goings-on in my life.

Pretty much sums up how this month, my month is going so far. As in OMG! can't believe that someone is being super sensitive in a pleasurable, exciting way. WHo would have thought that some simple things actually do mean a lot to him?

And then, OMG! i never thought i would get the hang of excel spreadsheets but yes, those sheets are my allies during this time of the year (read: 2010 1st half audit). used to be loyal to just MS word and its cousin notepad but now, those spreadsheets are looking kind of sexy.

Also, OMG! in just a few days' time, we would be having a new Philippine government. see how that will pan out in its first few days. exciting to see how the remaining half of the year will turn out. Always will pray and hope for the best.

OMG! i'm running a bit of space now and soon i just might post my version of haiku /meme/rants (of course i do that often on facebook and twitter anyway) but who knows, someday those little bit of emo-posts might just get published or even run as an app on your favorite e-reader.

OMG! It's rather late and must try to grab that elusive sleep now. goodnight.

No Way to the NaySayers!

I find it slightly annoying the way some people try to live their lives whining at how they are getting all the scraps, lamenting their lots in life. I mean to go griping almost everyday and in the process trying to grate on others people's nerves. My best approach when encountering these types of people is to just act nonchalant, not let myself be affected by their incessant and negative talks and to try real hard not to let that attitude contaminate my thoughts. It's a bit okay if the whining is restricted to what they perceive as being at the raw end of life but to actually take it against the people whom they feel are getting the better deal compared to them - now that is quite unforgivable if you ask me. It's like blaming somebody else for your poor attitude. What they should do is to just try to find what that supposedly 'lucky' person is doing right to deserve the good things in life and not be bitter towards that person. It's not as if the 'lucky' guy or girl has stepped on them or intentionally did something to relegate them into their lowly conditions. What they must realize is that the supposedly lucky person is just in an altogether different mindset, adapting an attitude that is so opposite to what they, the naysayers are used to. That the lucky person is after all also experiencing difficulties, probably having much bigger problems than what the 'whiners' club members' are going through but just reacting a lot better by embracing the good opportunities and pleasant moments in life. So the next time you catch yourself turning into a 'whiny' full of grouse person do not turn against somebody whom you thought are having all the luck and instead try to look around the beauty of the world. Lighten up, have fun and just SMILE so you won't have to worry about having a misspent existence.

Mga Kasabihang Ewan (Sayings Shayings)

Some of these just went through my head as I endured the early morning traffic on this last toxic Monday of May 2010. A play of old quotes and sayings and 'salawikaing pinoy'. Some were re-hashed while mostly I came up with on my own. Already posted a few on my Facebook status during lunch and thought of putting it in my blog as well:

1) Better Late than Ugly

2) If the shoe fits, take it off if you are not paying for it.

3) Kapag Maikli ang kumot, gawin ninyong punda.

4)Some things are better left unsaid (so post it on FB or tweet it away).

5) Do not do unto others, do it yourself ( Ano raw??).

6) If at first you don't succeed, try and throw a tantrum.

7) Love moves in mysterious ways, but we sure reveal way too much.

8) Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan, may stiff neck.

9) Another version of no. 8 = Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan, may utang na iniwanan.

10) Matalino man daw ang matsing, sya ay unggoy pa rin.

11) Kung di ukol, wag makulit kung ayaw mo magkabukol.

12) Whoever says money can't buy happiness, doesn't know where to shop.

13) Ang kay pedro, kay pedro, ang kay juan kay juan kung hindi mo alam ang tawag don EWAN.

14) When in Rome, turn your roam service on.

15) I would like to thanks this opportunity to say thank you all.

16) Never say never. Say NO WAY instead or how about- Duh?? I'm so not doing it.

17) Walang matimtimang birhen, dahil wala na yatang natitirang birhen.

18) Love means never having to say 'Sorry, the number you are calling is temporarily off or out of coverage.

19) TIME flies when you're having fun (and you realize it's your sister throwing one of your favorite magazines in your face when you won't stop from singing too loudly as she sleeps).

20) First love never dies. They just turn fat, balding, with too much debt to pay and lots of unresolved angst making you feel lucky you never got married.

Can you read my mind?

Everyone has a story to tell. Some untold secrets waiting to spring to a lending ear. That lady selling dried fish by the corner of that packed alley, the 'magtataho' plying his wares early in the morning and that jeepney or fx 'barker' who annoys passengers with his incessant calls of 'o dalawa pa sa kaliwa, galaw-galaw, baka kayo ma stroke'.

Scenes we see each day as we walk or drive along busy thoroughfares or wander around malls and shops, that is part of the tale. That cosmetic salesgirl who just couldn't wait for her shift to end so that she can finally meet with her boyfriend. How about your manicurist and hairdresser? One can only guess on what is going on through their heads while they push and pull through each cuticle or sigh through the endless routine of blow-drying people's hairs.

It would be interesting to read people's minds but I have noticed for the past several weeks that with the advent of technology, we are actually somehow getting close to doing that. Whether we like it or not, we have become privy to the thoughts of others - be it our friends, our relatives or even strangers via status on Facebook, or blogs and Twitter. It's akin to speaking all your thoughts aloud whether or not the one hearing it care at all or would actually want to hear it.

Still, there is much to learn, much to dissect on all these interactions or force-fed information. But it is enough to believe that as humans, there is really a need to tell our stories and with a little prodding secrets might even be revealed.

Now what does one do with all these stories? Nothing. Just let it flow. Nobody can dare censure another for having those thoughts or take it against someone who may want to tell others what he just had for dinner, or what shoes she just bought for 4,000 bucks while at the same time lamenting she should have spent it on food instead. We are not being forced to give a damn care but as humans, we must just let the story-teller be and respect his/her thoughts. It wouldn't be good to stop people from thinking aloud or writing openly of their thoughts. That would be such a shame when we are just beginning to enjoy some of their stories.

I say, bring it on..

SHADY

Sunglasses- while hiding the glare of this summer’s heat can also be like a mask that covers what my eyes don’t want to reveal - sleepless nights, the sadness within, perhaps, or that twinkle in my eyes after doing something really naughty. Now you know why I love wearing them.

Tapestry

I noticed that there seems to be a parallel between what is going on with my life to what some people who are close to me are also going through with theirs. either our fates are leaning toward the same direction or some of us are experiencing the opposite but everything seems to happen almost simultaneously, like we are acting on cue on our separate movie scenes. Those events in our lives that disrupt the status quo. Which got me into thinking that we are like spools of thread interwoven into a colorful tapestry.

Or it could be that we are just so affected by what is going on in each others' lives that I feel we are riding on the same boat-some of us on the stern, others on the bow, but still traveling along the same ocean.

But come to think of it, it may not be just us and our small circle of friends and loved ones coming together in this tapestry of life but that would include everyone. Yes, even the strangers we meet each day or that obnoxious person by the road, or the children at play. we are locked into this giant spool where we are all just mere threads, sometimes tied up in knots, others cut short by a giant snip of scissors but all intertwined and bound together in this world.

Connected - that's what we all are. and the web makes it all seem so.. yes, this giant web that keeps us perpetually joined together.

Love in the age of Twitter, Facebook & the Phil. Automated Elections

I just realized that despite our mired, wired and weird world, there is still after all an honest-to-goodness craving for the old-fashioned cuddle and sweet conversations that one can only share with those we love.

With most of my days spent interacting geekily, i am mildly amused to find that i still can actually feel much more pleasure on the random, mundane and so-called 'analog' details of life. However much i'm into social media lately, trading barbs, jokes and discussing (and bitching too) about politics and personalities online, & engaging in e-conversations with friends and family, it is nice to know that I still derive the greatest pleasures from the simplest but sweet things brought by actually having 'face time' with those I love.

These sublime experiences are most felt when:

- after a tiring and busy day for both of us, he would commute with me, traffic and all just to hold hands and be close to one another even as we need to go home early for the next day's grind.

- sharing an early dinner or late snack in a cozy restaurant, just enjoying our conversation, or having a drink or two at a nearby bar to pass the time and gaze some more into each others' eyes

- my niece, notwithstanding her frail frame as a result of hyper-activity and fast metabolism, spreading out both her hands in warm welcome to embrace me tightly as I stepped on the front door, showing her love beyond words.

- sharing jokes about life, work and other stuff with colleagues during lunch break.

- having the boss actually share in the office banter, diffusing otherwise tense-filled situations, giving us breather on an otherwise busy day and actually giving not just a breather but also more food for thought as well as for the stomach (read: free snacks and lunch).

- the boss being more of a friend or second mother, with caring words to spare.

- a call from a long-time colleague via landline. Yes, after too much cellphone use, it is pleasurable to share a laugh or two through the old means of communication - the telephone.

- the beloved bringing me a special dish just on that day I was craving for something italian. always will be a sucker for such romantic gestures ;)

- home-cooked meal prepared by my sister just in time to satisfy the cruelest hunger pangs brought by the long and very hot ride home.

- spending QT with niece and seeing the twinkle in her eyes and the innocent smile on her face whenever we go out on a weekend trip to the mall joined by her mother (my sister) and her cute way of saying 'thank you, tita loida' just to show how much she appreciates the time with us. awww!

- when my honey would introduce me proudly to his colleagues and staff as 'she's the one'

- those friends who show their deep concern on any problems I may have, actually finding ways to be of help and almost always with a ready smile and laughter to make my day.

- discussing stuff with long-time friends, about celebrities, our lives, our other friends' lives IN PERSON. not thru mere tweets, SMS or FB chat.

- bonding moments with good friends on a weekend in Makati Medical City to welcome the newborn baby girl of one friend, relishing the miracle and beauty of life as it unfolds before our very eyes, with some pizzas, sodas and goofy moments in front of the camera.

- sharing fun moments, a drink or two (okay, make that three bottles of beer or a glass of vodka or wine) with former colleagues. if it were a credit card commercial, it would be perfect for the tagline 'PRICELESS'.

- voice calls from my cute nephew in Nueva Ecija. Despite the distance, the little cutie would always find ways to stay in touch.

As I say, the internet, the social media, twitter, facebook and all that jazz is a good way to distract oneself from the pitfalls of serious living brought by wage-earning endeavors - a welcome distraction even and may also be a source of creativity and innovation. Still, nothing can beat the pleasure one gets from having to actually touch each other while communicating (vs. touch-screen technology). And despite having to choose our next president via PCOS machines, when it comes to LOVE, whether it is love for our family, friends or the one & only, it is still best enjoyed in SIMPLE REALITY (no AUGMENTED, CHROMED AND HOLOGRAMMED experience to match that).

Ban the Resentments

Glad that the first automated election was finally over, well except for a few percentage of canvassing left but the outcome for the presidency is pretty much decided and we are definitely ushering in the new government of Sen. (err, President) Noynoy Aquino.

I have been actively engaging convos with friends on how I support Noynoy and wish that indeed he becomes the next president. Well, majority of the Filipinos have decided and wish granted. Now comes the hard part. A lot would be looking at us some even with dagger looks I presume, telling us 'how could you?' or worst - actually coming out with a threat (at least one posted at Noynoy's Facebook page that all who voted for him better wear their yellow ribbons, ballers etc so that he can easily identify whom to blame). Wonder where that angst is coming from? I don't think the guy (okay, our President) deserves that when he has yet to assume office. Cynical much?

I think we should all be beyond sourgraping and resentments, for all those whose candidates did not make it, just take a cue from your bets who were sport enough to concede as fast as they can. Now more than ever, the Noynoy supporters are also put on the spot as one wrong move by the chosen president would have some people blaring in our ears 'see, what you have done?' or wearing their i-told-you-so looks (dagger looks). I'm sure some of these people also could not wait to see President Aquino falter in his first years so they can gloat and keep their chins up on the people who voted for the guy. Poor us? No, it would be poor Philippines if we maintain that attitude.

My mindset going into this election is that win or lose, I took a stand and if somebody else's candidate ends up as president then so be it. I always say, I'd rather be wrong than sorry. Meaning, if the candidate whom I have not voted won and actually did something good for the country, then I would have still remained a victor. In essence, let's just be hopeful, try to move forward and support the government any which way we can. In case there would be too much injustice or something worse, we are in a democratic country, so we can all rise again and march to our indignation.

I have to remind everyone, he may not be your candidate, but he is now our president. Ours. And if things turn out for the better, I'm sure you wouldn't mind being wrong as long as you are not sorry. Peace, love and success to us! Cheers!

My Pinoy Version Kaya Toast

Had quite an appetizing meal (late lunch) almost close to 'merienda' time. Gave an old Singapore-style meal with a Pinoy twist. Ya Kun Kaya toast (using pandesal as my Philippine version) with semi-soft boiled egg. Yummy! Here are some of the shots I took while eating my lunch. Too bad, I'm just using a cheap camera phone (no SLRs for me) but hey, I'm just enjoying my food.

The ingredients: Ya Kun Kaya jam (a present from a friend who went home for a brief visit from Singapore, thanks to her), butter and pandesal (the pandesal is not the one from my favorite baker but i'm hungry so I don't mind).

Before toasting the pandesal, I spread the Kaya jam and topped it with butter.




The semi-soft boiled egg with about half a teaspoon of soy sauce to taste (this is what they do in Singapore instead of sprinkling with salt and pepper). For the Pinoy version, I used Datu Puti soy sauce. Couldn't get more Pinoy than that. A 'datu' with my egg, why not?? The egg was supposed to be really soft-boiled and a bit saucy and soggy but somehow I overcooked it. Or subconsciously perhaps I just enjoy hard eggs more (ooops!there goes the double meaning.wink!).


Here was my meal before it went down to my tummy.

And to cap it off for dessert I had fried bananas and voila! just finished my weekend lunch without rice for a change.

Novel-fail!

Once tried my hand at writing a contemporary novel, you know just writing everyday stuff and goings-on among friends and family. the characters I wrote then were spun off from me and my friend's characters. In telling each character's story, I even used the first letter of our names (my sister Leslie was incorporated into the pseudo-novel as Leila, our friend Ebot can be identified in the story as 'Eunice', Gina was 'Gladys'. No one really got to read the manuscript, well except for one of my brothers, and my sister, Leslie who happened to find some sort of a kick in reading about some stuff there (part fiction but partly a sort of tell-all, too). And that was long before 'Gossip Girl' as we know it was even conceptualized. My friends, Gina, Ebot, Ben and Jessie, even my brother, Bingo, didn't even know I was writing about them albeit using aliases or now they could be the first 'avatars', come to think of it. Those characters in my book were but a semblance of who they are, just an alter-ego or something though I knew they'd probably recognize themselves once they read it. I do plan to show it to them once it's finished but it never did reach an ending..

I was just longing for that story, that same passion I once had for chronicling some of the events happening all around me and turning it into a fun contemporary fiction. I even tried going inside the minds of these people by writing about what I think they might be feeling based on my own perceptions. That initial attempt to write a novel was made during the pre-USB or flash drive days. The first few chapters of that were stored inside some diskettes in all its MS Word glory.(yes, kids, there actually was a thing called diskette then). Now, if only there is a
way to retrieve those diskettes now, so I could perhaps review or laugh at my unfinished book and possibly resume writing about all the things that have happened with all the characters there and then some. I'm pretty sure a lot of new characters would be introduced by now..

Well, I never got around to finish that book anyway as I got busy with other things, a lot of activities have since occupied my mind and time. I even fell in love, broke my heart, fell some more and well, before I knew it, I couldn't find the time to continue filling in those aborted chapters of my so-called novel. All those friends and people close to me whom I patterned my characters after also have gotten busy pursuing their own destinies and since then it has become harder for me to keep track of what they are doing, much less be in tuned to what they are feeling.

Sometimes, I am starting to wonder if I just suddenly stopped caring at all or maybe I just stopped writing that book because I started to live some more..

We can never tell, really. My life after all still has a lot of unwritten chapters in it.. and soon it will all be over (but I'm sure it will not end as a bit of entry inside a forgotten and lost diskette).

A Convenient display

I was on my way home last night and passed by a convenience store at a local gas station in Makati. At the counter, couldn't help but notice on display beside packets and boxes of flavored condoms that says 'lick it good' were elongated candy canes, lollipops with those really long sticks (incidentally the brand is called 'chuppa chups' or something), a bunch of fresh, big bananas, Mentos candies positioned in a way that the five packs were all standing (as if to say 'take me, or take us all!'). Somehow I find it amusing and sorta funny in a weird way. The packets of condoms seemed to be the main attraction there surrounded by all the other goodies (did I say phallic symbols?). And what were those bunch of fresh bananas doing at the counter? Hmm, the person who arranged that store's display must really have one naughty mind. Or was it me? ;D

I should have taken a photo of it but the sales ladies might not find that amusing at all.. I was a bit tired last night but that interesting display somehow eased the really bad traffic outside.

Poli-tic.k..tock..

With less than two months left before the National elections, I have now reached a mindset where I would much rather prefer all candidates to stop their attacks on each other and get right down to the agenda of proper governance.

I mean enough already! The voting public already had our share of political maneuverings, the dishing of dirts among rival candidates. We’ve all had our fun and even laughed at some of those ‘interesting’ spoofs and giggled at certain behaviors of the candidates and were almost delighted in those bits of info gleaned from the blogosphere and traditional media (while others have grain of truth in it, others were just plain nasty while some are kind of exaggerated). We appreciated some of the information as they helped us too in discerning the rightful candidate – much like weeding out the bad seed from the good ones until we can get the finest of the crops. But there is also such a thing as overdoing it. And at this stage, a lot of what we see and hear are now beginning to sound trite and yes, they are becoming less and less amusing and more grating on the nerves.

Just to raise my point – Filipinos now are exposed (should I say over-exposed) to information and can get as much data as we can faster than you can say ‘tweet’. And when we reach info overload, sometimes we become desensitized and pretty much end up like zombies. And this might just cause our votes to go awry.

So a note of reminder to our candidates who wouldn’t want our votes to go to waste, time now to roll up your sleeves – enough of the biting comments against your rivals and let us know exactly what you are going to do with our country.

It’s now time for the aspirants to get down to the nitty-gritty and show us real substance and what stuff they are really made of in less than two months.

As we near the homestretch of your campaign period, it’s no longer about just color, party affiliations or relations. We also don’t care anymore if you were born poor or have struggled (we all have our share of that, personally). What we want from you, the candidate, is show us your concrete plans. Not empty rhetoric or promises. Sure, the electorate would sometimes hear music whenever you make those promises and so-called ‘commitment’ to your countrymen, but hearing about that day in day out generally loses its meaning and sincerity (much like an annoying commercial that keeps interrupting your favorite show). And for someone running for office, you wouldn’t want the public to perceive you as one inane and pesky TV ad, right?

And come to think of it, there is one candidate who has been barraging us with ads for as long as I can remember, in almost all forms of media including the internet and I’m beginning to see red (or should I say, ORANGE). READ: very MAD to the point of telling myself that I really am not going to vote for this guy! Repeat ads can only be so effective and too much of it is well, downright irritating.

The voters are not stupid, okay? When we hear someone is doing this or that, or got wind that somebody is corrupt or not such a great leader while in office, we can discern pretty well. SO it would now be pointless to keep reminding us that this or that candidate has not performed well in the past, did not do anything while in position, or has done really bad things while in position. Trust us, we already knew about these things before anyone of you made it the tagline or crying point of your campaigns. And we also knew deep down who we would and would not trust with our votes. So this is just an appeal to lay down your plans. You owe it to the people at least to get a glimpse of what kind of leadership we can expect or what kind of government we might deserve. In the end it would be all about our choice. OURS and not yours.

So tell us, what are your short-term and long-term goals for the country (an honest to goodness plan that is not just based on anyone’s wish list or promise)? We want to know your immediate plans after assuming office and then what you are doing for the next to 2 to 3 years. We need to hear what you will do with various matters that are vital to Filipinos. Your agenda and plans for the economy, the environment, society, Mindanao, the whole region, agriculture others. There are many platforms you can use to raise the public’s awareness of these by using the tools at your disposal. Try to maximize your presence online and on other media now to share your thoughts and help more people determine the kind of leader you would be. And hearing it will not satisfy us, we also want to see that you can actually make it work so it’s your call how to convince us.

Please realize that what the next government (i.e. your proposed government) can do is just lay the groundwork for future generations. In the long run, it’s the younger generation who will benefit (or suffer) most from your projects now and it’s not even this year’s voters, and certainly not you.

I am probably worth just one vote but I certainly am not the only one with these sentiments now. There are more like me who is just starting to get disillusioned with all these politics that has brought our country nowhere. And the worst that can happen is when people will not exercise their right to select the proper candidate because of mistrust in the political system. So spare us the dirty details (we have our showbiz tabloids and talk shows to provide us that form of entertainment), we just plain want to see you walk the talk. To offer a basketball analogy, your campaign should be all about showing the right stuff for the win and not play by trying to hurt your opponents and be called for flagrant and technical fouls that could ruin an otherwise exciting ballgame. Just as we don’t want to see players not displaying their full potential on court, we also don’t want our leaders in government to show immaturity and lack of respect for one another as that would ultimately lead us to lose our respect and we need a government we can believe in so we can also be obedient citizens.

I’m simply stating my case here. I too don’t know exactly what I would do if faced with these political problems and concerns, nor am I pretending to have an idea how to address each crisis, but hey, I’m not running for any public office.

Topics, hmm...

Been trying to think of topics to post here the past few days. Not sure if I would do a photo journal or pseudo travel blog or something or a some kind of love column or about friendship and other relationships, whatever. Well, that would leave me a few days before I settle down on what to do with this so far $2.00 worth of blog ;D. will try to resume a more regular activity here in the coming days..

Just Once

That song 'Just Once' by James Ingram pretty sums up the way my love relationship keeps panning out.. we always seem to try our best but there are times when we just can't seem to match the others' expectations. It just seems to be the case most of the time. With him trying to do his best, his own share to keep things light and going, while I fail to appreciate some of the simple things and end up criticizing. And then on other occasions, it would be me who is trying her darnedest but coming up short of his anticipations. I don't know how long this could go on but I get the feeling that there are still some bases uncovered as far as this relationship goes. And somehow we know there is just no letting go, not yet and that as the song says, we are just sometimes too proud to admit that we can't actually live without each other, no matter how hard we try to push each other away.. 'Why, oh why can't we just give ourselves a hand? Stubborn? Maybe. Still somehow we manage to stay together. But the strings are slightly unwoven now and not too sure how long it would unravel or if it would wove its way back to the spool for another long good spin-around.. sometimes it just gets so tiring but each time we get past it, the refreshing feeling and all that love make all those disappointments totally worth it..

three o'clock UNHABIT

this was posted on my FB notes last Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 1:13pm

What’s in the wee hours of the morning? 3:00 AM to be exact. I ask this because for the past 5 or 6 months now, I’ve been waking up at exactly those hours between 3am to 4am. It never fails, even if I’m dead tired, had one too many drink or even when I sleep later than usual, I still find myself jolted awake at around that time for no particular reason at all. There wasn’t even any noise or distinct sound that would rouse me from my sleep but still it happens. I know this might be a case of my insomnia working overtime or probably a loose system on my body clock, whatever that means, but it is somehow affecting my moods not to mention my waking moments. In fact, because of this internal alarm system that seems perennially set at 3 in the morning, I get up from bed in the morning feeling sluggish after being interrupted from slumber pre-dawn.

I would definitely welcome your suggestions. Anybody who can offer me a cure to this strange malady is sure to be appreciated. And yes, I’ve already tried a lot of things to resolve this but still it happens even when I am in my most relaxed state of mind. In fact, it got so annoying that there came a point when I almost believe somebody is playing some voodoo magic on me. I even tried sleeping as late as 2:30am but still found myself suddenly awake between 3 to 4AM, right on schedule. Now, what gives? I don’t want to necessarily think about this and somehow has even learned to live with it but my curiosity is now getting the better of me.