No Explanations Needed

It simply means not being answerable to anyone but to yourself and only to your God.

I am responsible for my thoughts, my actions and feelings. Whenever I feel happy or in a state of bliss, that is mine alone. No one can even imagine what sensations, what music the heart hears. Similarly, when the agitations start and pain becomes unbearable to the point of giving up, no one can feel it as deeply as I do let alone pretend to understand what that is. Feelings don't require understanding, it is just 'felt'.

My pain just like my happiness belongs only to me and to no one else. Everyone has their own set of emotions, distinct and separate from each other. While we can only empathize or sympathize with one another, at the end of the day we do not know exactly what one feels. There is only a certain point that you can allow anyone to get near to what you are experiencing at the moment but no way can anyone breach that line. Even if you say 'oh I'm so happy!' or 'hey, I feel so low' that is just a mild description of what is really going on inside. No on really has an idea how your happiness or your heartache feels. That is simply your own and you don't owe anyone an explanation..

My July Verse

Haven't written poetry in a while. Not even those short verses or what one can call my version of the haiku. Still, this heart and mind wouldn't let me rest and I just have to come up with this, even if it doesn't make much sense to others, my emotions can pretty much discern what it means:

Close to calling it all off,Seemingly nonchalant,
one moment totally unaffected, then the heart on alert the next instant.
It doesn't come as near as the magic of yore,
couldn't even be defined as a thumping force anymore
but this we could not deny, things always would come up just as before
to make us realize that's really what we are here for.

The Tootsie Roll Days

Each time there's a heavy downpour outside and dark clouds above, I am sometimes almost brought back to those long gone days when I was a child. When my mom was still around.How i loved the rainy days and cherished some of the typhoons then. Sure, there were super typhoons in the past but none of the kinds we had to deal with the past couple of years. Or maybe I was just too naive then, so innocent and unmindful of what's going on around us. We were all safely cocooned inside our own shells and seemingly content so whatever damage those past typhoons may have done were lost on me. Didn't even came to my attention. I believe that is the feeling that i am hoping to recapture in trying to reminisce about those past moments - the contentment, the simplicity of things minus the clutter and information overload and the disturbing facts of life. One can say I almost lived a sheltered life as a youngster, self-absorbed in my own little world.

What I love then each time Signal No. 2 or 3 was raised apart from the suspension of classes & more playtime is that our mom gets to stay at home. For she too was a hardworking woman, responsible for bringing food to our table so it was such a
rare treat to have her around in the morning throughout lunch and dinner cooking our comfort foods and just bantering w/the kids during those wet, cold and windy times. Back then, all I felt was pure warmth and love.

Another childhood memory I wouldn't mind playing repeatedly in my head are those days when my father would come home for lunch on work days bringing with him some of that good old choco candy 'Flat Tops' for us kids. Flat Tops seemed tastier & richer compared to what's now being sold on the market. Probably Ricoa did some cost-cutting, scrimping on a few ingredients here and there.

Or it can also mean that my taste buds were more sensitive then, apparently not yet numbed by too much caffeine, alcohol, spicy foods or whatever.

There were also some of those treats from yesteryears that I don't see much of these days. I wonder if they still exist to this day. Does any one of you remember Tootsie Rolls? Those chewy chocolate candies that come in small, medium, large sizes. We used to buy lots of them at our neighborhood sari-sari stores taking small, slow kiddie bites.

And the Magnolia Chocolait in a bottle. Somehow it never tasted the same again after they replaced the containers with either the plastic bottle or tetrapak kind.

Even Chippy and Clover chips tasted differently today than they used to when we were younger. But i don't believe that taste is in the tongue of the eater. I know for a fact that some of these food manufacturers are now using different ingredients to go w/ the latest technology. And that's why their long gone tastes will now only be in our memories, much like the moments that cannot be re-enacted the same way inasmuch as we are now living and dealing w/ different people and a totally different environment - no more Mama and Papa, and the storms and typhoons more violent than ever..

Still it's nice to look back on those things that can bring a smile to our faces. Those warm recollections that could help us move forward toward a better future. And reminding us that good things do exist and can be felt throughout space and time.

The Lure of the Vampire

And in this modern day and age, one would think that we have outgrown the mesmerizing stare of the vampire. Yes, I understand the fascination about this immortal creature, at once sexy and menacing - oh, what a lot of girls (and ladies) would like in their men. A mixture of the wild with the mysterious & the strength unmatched by creatures of lesser form.

I know why movies like Twilight, and its sequels and tv shows like Vampire Diaries were such big hits - it's just the lure of the vampire!

Something about vampires we just couldn't resist. That sudden rush, the bliss of an impending bite into one's neck.. somehow we could not help ourselves but embrace the moment knowing that we are either doomed or may suffer immortality. And the fun part about it is we just don't care even if we die from the sharp fangs (when even the glint of that fang can send shivers of delight and horror at one instant). Isn't that the kind of rush one feels when one is deeply in love or enamored with someone?

I know it would be a frightening ordeal to live as an immortal but once the vampire had you in his grip, and breathing down your neck - you just want him to forge ahead afraid that any hesitation on his part may lead you to change your mind or push him away. Not that any push or shove from a mere human like you can put him off but then you just get drawn by that embrace even if it means you will have to live your life forever, even if that is one boring existence, with friends dying on you. that would be a lonely life indeed and one you must share with an equal immortal like Ex-president GMA. Yes, I get the feeling she is an immortal - the lady that just won't fade into the night.

Back to the vampires. It is safe to say that somehow, despite these threats, we are and will always be attracted to the vampire.. that dark, sinister eyes.. which somehow pretty much sums up the kind of relationship I have with my own dark knight.. who is not wearing an armor by the way..