Numbed = Dead

Just when I thought I was already inured to the pain, yeah, being all a veteran of goodbyes and then some, it hit me. The realization more than anything else is what jarred this being. All the sweetness was there, one cannot ask enough of that, but now it left a big hole like a sugar stuck in a pan, turned black & burnt really painfully. Pity the heart that has gotten used to much sweetness for there would sure be plenty to miss. Again, after many years of a sweet, exhilarating, sometimes anxiety-filled but very beautiful moments, the heart's subject is once more on the sandy path in the middle of nowhere. To toil somewhere far away to ward off hardships of the past months. When he has no choice but to leave lest all sanities turn into human frailties. Sad parting it was, bade our farewells, the numerous I love you's mouthed off in person, while in tight embrace, during the kiss and after, and over the phone hours before that big air bus took off.. Thought I'm beyond all that pain but now it left me with the kind of depression reserved only for when someone close to you really died and went into the spiritual realm. And now, this spirit must be forced to keep moving even if all it intends to do for the next couple of days, probably weeks, even months, is to just stay inert. Sadly, being alive doesn't numb us from the frustrations and loneliness. Not even music can desensitize the soul or let the heart not feel the pinch of worlds being torn apart by situation and circumstances. Where the only thing we can rely on are the beating of our hearts, to make sure it would remain in synch throughout time, space and distance.