The mind and heart once more waging its battle. All weapons drawn..The mind just would not put up with the inconsistencies anymore even if the heart is willing to plead its case. It is ready to take the bull by the horn and splatter its insides all over where it will no longer cease to operate.
You see the mind discovers things not normally seen by the heart. It sees a lot and is poised to take action. When pain is just too much and it knows it can kill that pulsating blob, it has to cut off that part so as not to infect the whole being. Just like that scene in the movie World War Z..however painful, even if the part of the arm is severed, it has to be done to avoid the whole zombie virus from infecting the person.
And the heart somehow understands this predicament..it is somewhat willing to get parts of it cut even if it is rendered almost inert, almost incapable of what once had it beating so powerfully, so musically..it is even prepared to die than be the 'undead'.. for the mind has spoken, telling (no, demanding) that the heart relent this time. no excuses, no sentiments to offer as shield to the brain's firepower..
But of course, even if the heart does not wish to live a life like a zombie, it still would not just let go of the part that plays the pulsating rhythm so easily..at least not without a fight.
Whichever would prevail? Either one could win and another to lose or both can lose or win at the same time.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Parables or Possibles
Parables have their purpose. Sometimes you are reminded of it when faced with a certain situation in life. When we are forced to make some tough choices.
There is one that particularly comes to mind at this stage. The parable of the wolf with the chunk of meat in his mouth. He walks along the bridge and happens to gaze at his reflection on the water. Being the animal that he is, he is not aware that it is only a reflection. What he focused on is that there's this other wolf with a bigger piece than the meat he currently carries in his mouth.
Well, since this is a parable, the writer is free to incorporate a human nature on the part of the beast. The nature of greed and/or dissatisfaction. So what happens next is that the wolf realizes that there is another animal like him with a bigger meat in its mouth so he suddenly lets go of the what he got in between his teeth and jumped through his reflection on the water. And as he splashed on the raging river lost the piece of meat he has to the strong current..
That story puts a pretty strong premium on how greed often makes us lose more than what we had hoped for. And that not appreciating what we have while it's within our grasp results in undesirable consequences.
So now how do I face this situation? Do I need to be reminded of that parable or am I after all really looking at the real possibilities of what life can be? for me, for now and in the future?
This is my dilemma.
There is one that particularly comes to mind at this stage. The parable of the wolf with the chunk of meat in his mouth. He walks along the bridge and happens to gaze at his reflection on the water. Being the animal that he is, he is not aware that it is only a reflection. What he focused on is that there's this other wolf with a bigger piece than the meat he currently carries in his mouth.
Well, since this is a parable, the writer is free to incorporate a human nature on the part of the beast. The nature of greed and/or dissatisfaction. So what happens next is that the wolf realizes that there is another animal like him with a bigger meat in its mouth so he suddenly lets go of the what he got in between his teeth and jumped through his reflection on the water. And as he splashed on the raging river lost the piece of meat he has to the strong current..
That story puts a pretty strong premium on how greed often makes us lose more than what we had hoped for. And that not appreciating what we have while it's within our grasp results in undesirable consequences.
So now how do I face this situation? Do I need to be reminded of that parable or am I after all really looking at the real possibilities of what life can be? for me, for now and in the future?
This is my dilemma.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Never-Say-Die is Timeless
Ah, basketball. When ever did I started getting hooked in watching this game? Something about the interplay of all the participants, each with his own role in the team & the fast-paced action culminating in the entering of a ball to a ring atop a rather lofty pole.
Yes, I am a basketball fan. But more importantly I am a fan of Philippine basketball, notably the PBA. My first glimpse of the game was back when I was too young to fully comprehend what it's all about. All I recall then was the running to and fro, the shooting of the ball which somehow mesmerized my impressionable mind back then. I chanced upon those games on TV waking up in the middle of the night to go downstairs to pee, probably just 5 or 6 yrs old I do not remember. My parents were both watching, the lights turned off and only the glare of the TV set (black and white then) illuminated the living room. So after taking a pee I would always walk by my parents and sit behind my father (me, in my semi-awake state) and just stared blankly on the TV screen at the jumping, running men with a lone ball as their toy. There were many nights like that and to this day I can still vividly recall that comfortable feeling of just sitting behind both parents as they watched basketball (come to think of it, I now wonder why they are so silent watching the game). PBA Games were on delayed telecast then as I they weren't showing the games live and possibly the programming on TV confined to Marcos propaganda but that's another story.
Both my parents were Crispa fans & back then I somehow had a glimpse of Philippine basketball rivalry between Crispa and Toyota days. And then other childhood activities took over and I stopped watching for a few years. Until Ginebra happened..
Suffice it to say that spanning almost two decades now, I have been hooked on the Ginebra San Miguel brand of basketball. And to think that I grew up almost a Crispa fan and never a Jaworski fan because of my parents but somehow fate would intervene and I developed a fondness for the Jaworski magic that soon transcended into the Ginebra spirit as we know now.
After taking a hiatus from watching PBA games because of pressing 'childhood' matters, I again started to take notice of the PBA games (and yes, the colored TV was already in vogue and President Marcos has since been deposed) in 1986. There were certain problems of personal and family nature that happened then and what kept me going in those dark days (I was still very young & in pre-adolescent stage so I was probably depressed for all the wrong, petty reasons) was my renewed interest in watching PBA games and the kind of play that I saw Ginebra dish out. I was never aware then that Ginebra is beginning its crowd-darling status. All I know was during those rather depressing moments or what you may simply call the 'emo stages' of my life, I was entertained watching the team play. It became my rallying point too whenever I see the Ginebra team of old rally from 20 points down until they emerge as winners. All trepidation in life, all the depressing situations washed away by watching my favorite team subdue their opponents. Every behind-the-back pass of Jaworski to a streaking Dondon Ampalayo, a 3-point shot by Loyzaga, or a courtside 'nakaw play' was my elixir to ward off any misgivings on the existence of good life. Watching Ginebra win is like a signal for me that yes, I too can take on anything that fate throws at me.
The way the whole team carried on the creed of never-say-die for many years now continued to get me hooked on Ginebra that even if the older players were since replaced by younger, more athletic guys, my fondness for watching the team play has never waned. Each win, each obstacle the team faced and hurdled with fortitude only served as an inspiration to carry on despite the challenges. At the height of my growing fanaticism then with Ginebra, I even composed a poem for them during my teens. I might post it separately here and dedicate to the throngs of their followers.
Watching Ginebra play is like a diversion for me - to ward off loneliness when the boyfriend is far away working abroad, a balm to a weary mind whenever life's situation is less than ideal. It's like an unseen brother's consoling hand to a sister whose heart is broken - well, at least almost that kind of effect just to give you an idea. As a die-hard fan of the never-say-die team, it is often hard to explain this devotion. It's like trying to explain to others why you love someone when the mere definition of the feeling doesn't even come close to the actual feeling so it's best to leave it unexplained.
And once more with Ginebra facing a gigantic task tonight to beat a strong team, their attempt at victory will again be foremost in my mind as well as in the minds of the thousands of Ginebra fans in the land (and some Filipinos overseas, my boyfriend included). It is a challenge that we will face alongside the team - and their win tonight to enter the next level of the playoffs would be like a fresh mango shake taken on a sweltering midday sun, a bit like crushing all those jellies at Candy Crush Saga (he he, well not exactly but close) and almost synonymous to the elation brought by a budding summer romance - exhilarating, inspiring and yes always unforgettable.
Because even as black & white TVs have become relics of the past thanks to the Flat Screen LEDs, and social media and the internet has taken over most of our conversations or the iconic voice of Joe Cantada now replaced by the amusingly funny in-his-own-way but sensible type of game commentary of Mico Halili , the never-say-die spirit lives on. Because like our pursuit to happiness & our constant battle with life's struggles the Ginebra's formula of conquering the odds will forever be timeless.
Yes, I am a basketball fan. But more importantly I am a fan of Philippine basketball, notably the PBA. My first glimpse of the game was back when I was too young to fully comprehend what it's all about. All I recall then was the running to and fro, the shooting of the ball which somehow mesmerized my impressionable mind back then. I chanced upon those games on TV waking up in the middle of the night to go downstairs to pee, probably just 5 or 6 yrs old I do not remember. My parents were both watching, the lights turned off and only the glare of the TV set (black and white then) illuminated the living room. So after taking a pee I would always walk by my parents and sit behind my father (me, in my semi-awake state) and just stared blankly on the TV screen at the jumping, running men with a lone ball as their toy. There were many nights like that and to this day I can still vividly recall that comfortable feeling of just sitting behind both parents as they watched basketball (come to think of it, I now wonder why they are so silent watching the game). PBA Games were on delayed telecast then as I they weren't showing the games live and possibly the programming on TV confined to Marcos propaganda but that's another story.
Both my parents were Crispa fans & back then I somehow had a glimpse of Philippine basketball rivalry between Crispa and Toyota days. And then other childhood activities took over and I stopped watching for a few years. Until Ginebra happened..
Suffice it to say that spanning almost two decades now, I have been hooked on the Ginebra San Miguel brand of basketball. And to think that I grew up almost a Crispa fan and never a Jaworski fan because of my parents but somehow fate would intervene and I developed a fondness for the Jaworski magic that soon transcended into the Ginebra spirit as we know now.
After taking a hiatus from watching PBA games because of pressing 'childhood' matters, I again started to take notice of the PBA games (and yes, the colored TV was already in vogue and President Marcos has since been deposed) in 1986. There were certain problems of personal and family nature that happened then and what kept me going in those dark days (I was still very young & in pre-adolescent stage so I was probably depressed for all the wrong, petty reasons) was my renewed interest in watching PBA games and the kind of play that I saw Ginebra dish out. I was never aware then that Ginebra is beginning its crowd-darling status. All I know was during those rather depressing moments or what you may simply call the 'emo stages' of my life, I was entertained watching the team play. It became my rallying point too whenever I see the Ginebra team of old rally from 20 points down until they emerge as winners. All trepidation in life, all the depressing situations washed away by watching my favorite team subdue their opponents. Every behind-the-back pass of Jaworski to a streaking Dondon Ampalayo, a 3-point shot by Loyzaga, or a courtside 'nakaw play' was my elixir to ward off any misgivings on the existence of good life. Watching Ginebra win is like a signal for me that yes, I too can take on anything that fate throws at me.
The way the whole team carried on the creed of never-say-die for many years now continued to get me hooked on Ginebra that even if the older players were since replaced by younger, more athletic guys, my fondness for watching the team play has never waned. Each win, each obstacle the team faced and hurdled with fortitude only served as an inspiration to carry on despite the challenges. At the height of my growing fanaticism then with Ginebra, I even composed a poem for them during my teens. I might post it separately here and dedicate to the throngs of their followers.
Watching Ginebra play is like a diversion for me - to ward off loneliness when the boyfriend is far away working abroad, a balm to a weary mind whenever life's situation is less than ideal. It's like an unseen brother's consoling hand to a sister whose heart is broken - well, at least almost that kind of effect just to give you an idea. As a die-hard fan of the never-say-die team, it is often hard to explain this devotion. It's like trying to explain to others why you love someone when the mere definition of the feeling doesn't even come close to the actual feeling so it's best to leave it unexplained.
And once more with Ginebra facing a gigantic task tonight to beat a strong team, their attempt at victory will again be foremost in my mind as well as in the minds of the thousands of Ginebra fans in the land (and some Filipinos overseas, my boyfriend included). It is a challenge that we will face alongside the team - and their win tonight to enter the next level of the playoffs would be like a fresh mango shake taken on a sweltering midday sun, a bit like crushing all those jellies at Candy Crush Saga (he he, well not exactly but close) and almost synonymous to the elation brought by a budding summer romance - exhilarating, inspiring and yes always unforgettable.
Because even as black & white TVs have become relics of the past thanks to the Flat Screen LEDs, and social media and the internet has taken over most of our conversations or the iconic voice of Joe Cantada now replaced by the amusingly funny in-his-own-way but sensible type of game commentary of Mico Halili , the never-say-die spirit lives on. Because like our pursuit to happiness & our constant battle with life's struggles the Ginebra's formula of conquering the odds will forever be timeless.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Waiting Shade
During summer here people rush to find cover or the nearest waiting shed outside to escape punishing heat
When rainy season starts, people rush again to find cover from heavy downpour.
Common denominator: THE waiting shed
Saturday, November 10, 2012
CHANGES & CHANCES
A lot of changes..yes, we are often faced with it. In our daily lives but more so now when thinking about certain situations in my life now. We just had to deal with it not because it is inevitable but because we just have to. And most of the time, there are no reasons or hidden meanings, we just have to pass through it.
But more than these changes that we know are likely to happen anyway and one we could not dictate or demand to not happen, somehow there is a change we need to make to survive. And that is to change our attitude. Our perception about change bears changing. While not exactly welcoming each change that comes our way with open arms, we should change how we react to it and in so doing open up ourselves to better chances.
It's all about how we handle the change, how we manage to remain calm, poised while being alert to opportunities at the same time. For any change we should try to offset with all the chances. Chances we need to take so that whatever is no longer the same would somehow still continue to feel the same. Change should not chain us but charge us into making a brighter tomorrow.
Changes - only exceptional people go through it much stronger, though not exactly unscathed, still are much better off than when things stayed the same..
But more than these changes that we know are likely to happen anyway and one we could not dictate or demand to not happen, somehow there is a change we need to make to survive. And that is to change our attitude. Our perception about change bears changing. While not exactly welcoming each change that comes our way with open arms, we should change how we react to it and in so doing open up ourselves to better chances.
It's all about how we handle the change, how we manage to remain calm, poised while being alert to opportunities at the same time. For any change we should try to offset with all the chances. Chances we need to take so that whatever is no longer the same would somehow still continue to feel the same. Change should not chain us but charge us into making a brighter tomorrow.
Changes - only exceptional people go through it much stronger, though not exactly unscathed, still are much better off than when things stayed the same..
Friday, September 21, 2012
Whispers from the heart
in the silence - the only echo one hears is the beating of the heart.. pining for that memory and knowing that it cannot be retrieved or replayed now just craving for the future that brings more of that bliss..
the angst of an unspoken word from a sullen lover is easily felt despite its incessant throbbing..it knows when it's troubled or at least feel the hurt and the pain of its counterpart..
now needing to reach out through all that distance, to clear the cobwebs of doubt and try to heal the wounded one so that they can again bond together, unaffected by time, distance or circumstances..
in continuing to do so it whispers only what the other can hear ..whispering a love that both hold dear
the angst of an unspoken word from a sullen lover is easily felt despite its incessant throbbing..it knows when it's troubled or at least feel the hurt and the pain of its counterpart..
now needing to reach out through all that distance, to clear the cobwebs of doubt and try to heal the wounded one so that they can again bond together, unaffected by time, distance or circumstances..
in continuing to do so it whispers only what the other can hear ..whispering a love that both hold dear
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Sudden - Saddened
It is always sad to lose a person you love through an accident. The sudden loss that leaves you feeling cold & angry at the same time..where the only consolation is in the knowledge that the one you lost left a good impression among the people left behind, in the awareness that your loved one has touched many lives
even strangers who come up to you to relay their condolences. Somehow you're warmed by the fact that the person you lost has actually lived a full life, of love & generosity.
For that is the how I felt when my mom died of an accident several years back. There was no describing the pall of gloom that descended in our household upon realization that she is gone forever, no longer would we witness her smile that often comforts us, the support and faith she has for us even when we ourselves are falling short of our own expectations, the love and care, and the leadership she has shown managing a one-parent family (after my father died of a heart attack years prior to her death, she was left all alone to take care of us).
Knowing that there is no one to replace and fill in that void she left is enough to make us undergo a transformation not exactly of our own choosing..painful is not even enough to express how it felt.
Knowing that there is no one to replace and fill in that void she left is enough to make us undergo a transformation not exactly of our own choosing..painful is not even enough to express how it felt.
And now, looking at the current events, watching a stranger but a very public figure also meet an untimely death, one can only emphatize & symphatize with the family & the bereaved daughters and wife. But it also reminds us that when goodness has become a way of life, the passing will not come as a mere whimper or a dot on the radar that fades unnoticed. That when a person led a life that's dedicated to serving others, of offering a love and generous spirit, that warmth, that love extends far beyond the immediate family.
Still, however comforting &heart-warming those love from others are directed towards those who lost the only light in their lives, that is but a mere alternative, just a token substitute for the dearly departed. For the one we lost could never be replaced. A sudden death by accident ultimately leaves us all saddened..
and that we just have deal with in our own unique way..
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